TCKs and Me

Before I came to Thailand, I asked God to show me what the Third Culture Kid (TCK) life is like. I had explored websites and articles, been to training, read books, and even conducted an online survey, but I still didn't know much about TCKs. The more time I spent with my students (all of whom are Third Culture Kids or Cross-Cultural Kids in one way or another), the more I realized how little I know about them and how underprepared I was to work with them. I posted about this frustration on Facebook, and a friend encouraged me to listen to my students. Ask questions and listen. That's really all I can do.

A bit about questions: When I first arrived here, I met both student TCKs and staff member A[dult]TCKs that asked me some amazing questions. Third Culture Kids literally ask the best questions. With some of their questions, I felt energized to talk forever (we all love talking about ourselves, right?). Other questions stumped me and left me feeling like I couldn't think straight. I also felt like anything I could ask in return was just not good enough. So even though I have spent some time asking questions and listening, there is still so much I feel like I could be doing. Part of me is thankful I have two weeks left in the school so that I can be a listening ear and a good presence (and answer more inspiring questions!) without the requirements of teaching full time.

Anyway, before I came, I asked God to show me what TCK life is like, with my expectations being that I would move here, come into the school, and immediately have heart-to-hearts with teenage girls. That's not exactly what happened. One reason for that is because teenagers don't naturally spill their life stories to people they have just met. In addition, I wanted to treat my students as people and as students before I treated them as TCKs, so I came into it with that primary focus. While I have not learned the ins and outs of the entire TCK lifestyle so far nor I have any heart to hearts with teenagers recently, I have heard from my students in conversations and in their journal entries about their experiences. One Thai student shared with me her struggles about growing up in a Thai family but attending our international school, which has a westernized schooling system. In her family's Thai culture, stoicism and not showing off your emotions is praised, whereas in our school, expressing yourself is highly praised. What an interesting concept.

The one aspect of this experience that has helped me understand the TCK journey the most, however, is my own experience. God has given me a tiny glimpse of a Third Culture Kid's life. In no way do I claim the TCK life as my own. I may have had a moderately mobile upbringing but not an international one. In fact, I have not experienced most of what my students have experienced. Their lives are, as I expressed one day, a tangled mess of life. Beautiful and very much alive, but also tangled.

For example, I have realized the innate sense of loneliness of many of my students, because I have felt it myself. I have felt the feelings of no one else gets me that many of my students feel on a regular basis. I can identify with feeling inadequate one day and on top of the world the next. I understand questioning God's provision and direction. I understand feeling so wrapped up in community that you are left feeling essentially alone. I know how it feels to not be able to find the right words in a situation, or to have to sift through multiple languages to find the right words. I identify with the pervasive need many of my students feel to not only act but to be perfect. I am not a TCK (and I am only a moderately Mobile Kid), but I can identify with those feelings and attitudes. I can read all the books on TCKs, but until I resonate with their experiences, even if only a little bit, I will not understand them.

I hope that I continue to have experiences to be able to work with Third Culture Kids. I see such joy in their lives, even the ones who struggle sometimes. I see such potential in them to do incredible things politically, culturally, spiritually, relationally, and personally. TCKs, CCKs, and HMKs are blessed with incredible experiences that both help and hinder them. By that, I mean that these lives (which have often been chosen for them) are both amazing and difficult. Like all kids, they need someone to help them process their experiences, maybe more often or sooner than monocultural kids. It's time parents, teachers, school staff, church members and leadership, government workers, and everyone else are aware of how best to work with these kids, so that these kids are able to utilize their experiences in healthy ways.

Step number one to working with TCKs: Ask and Listen. The best way to validate someone is to listen to them.

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"Seek Him. Be Here. Be His."