TCKs and Me

Before I came to Thailand, I asked God to show me what the Third Culture Kid (TCK) life is like. I had explored websites and articles, been to training, read books, and even conducted an online survey, but I still didn't know much about TCKs. The more time I spent with my students (all of whom are Third Culture Kids or Cross-Cultural Kids in one way or another), the more I realized how little I know about them and how underprepared I was to work with them. I posted about this frustration on Facebook, and a friend encouraged me to listen to my students. Ask questions and listen. That's really all I can do.

A bit about questions: When I first arrived here, I met both student TCKs and staff member A[dult]TCKs that asked me some amazing questions. Third Culture Kids literally ask the best questions. With some of their questions, I felt energized to talk forever (we all love talking about ourselves, right?). Other questions stumped me and left me feeling like I couldn't think straight. I also felt like anything I could ask in return was just not good enough. So even though I have spent some time asking questions and listening, there is still so much I feel like I could be doing. Part of me is thankful I have two weeks left in the school so that I can be a listening ear and a good presence (and answer more inspiring questions!) without the requirements of teaching full time.

Anyway, before I came, I asked God to show me what TCK life is like, with my expectations being that I would move here, come into the school, and immediately have heart-to-hearts with teenage girls. That's not exactly what happened. One reason for that is because teenagers don't naturally spill their life stories to people they have just met. In addition, I wanted to treat my students as people and as students before I treated them as TCKs, so I came into it with that primary focus. While I have not learned the ins and outs of the entire TCK lifestyle so far nor I have any heart to hearts with teenagers recently, I have heard from my students in conversations and in their journal entries about their experiences. One Thai student shared with me her struggles about growing up in a Thai family but attending our international school, which has a westernized schooling system. In her family's Thai culture, stoicism and not showing off your emotions is praised, whereas in our school, expressing yourself is highly praised. What an interesting concept.

The one aspect of this experience that has helped me understand the TCK journey the most, however, is my own experience. God has given me a tiny glimpse of a Third Culture Kid's life. In no way do I claim the TCK life as my own. I may have had a moderately mobile upbringing but not an international one. In fact, I have not experienced most of what my students have experienced. Their lives are, as I expressed one day, a tangled mess of life. Beautiful and very much alive, but also tangled.

For example, I have realized the innate sense of loneliness of many of my students, because I have felt it myself. I have felt the feelings of no one else gets me that many of my students feel on a regular basis. I can identify with feeling inadequate one day and on top of the world the next. I understand questioning God's provision and direction. I understand feeling so wrapped up in community that you are left feeling essentially alone. I know how it feels to not be able to find the right words in a situation, or to have to sift through multiple languages to find the right words. I identify with the pervasive need many of my students feel to not only act but to be perfect. I am not a TCK (and I am only a moderately Mobile Kid), but I can identify with those feelings and attitudes. I can read all the books on TCKs, but until I resonate with their experiences, even if only a little bit, I will not understand them.

I hope that I continue to have experiences to be able to work with Third Culture Kids. I see such joy in their lives, even the ones who struggle sometimes. I see such potential in them to do incredible things politically, culturally, spiritually, relationally, and personally. TCKs, CCKs, and HMKs are blessed with incredible experiences that both help and hinder them. By that, I mean that these lives (which have often been chosen for them) are both amazing and difficult. Like all kids, they need someone to help them process their experiences, maybe more often or sooner than monocultural kids. It's time parents, teachers, school staff, church members and leadership, government workers, and everyone else are aware of how best to work with these kids, so that these kids are able to utilize their experiences in healthy ways.

Step number one to working with TCKs: Ask and Listen. The best way to validate someone is to listen to them.

--

"Seek Him. Be Here. Be His."

Kuhn phuut pasaa Thai dai mai khaa?

(Do you speak Thai?) And the answer to that would be "Mai chai khaa" (No), but I am learning!

Other than basic "hello" and "how are you" and my numbers, I know some words to describe food (for example, "tawt" means "fried" and "gai" means "chicken") and to buy things ("tao ri" means "how much [money]").

And even though school is taught entirely in English, with the exception of Thai and Spanish classes, I'm learning a lot about pasaa Thai (Thai language) and other languages while I'm here. So, story time!

When I asked a group of senior boys if they were going to read Frankenstein (as opposed to working on another assignment) during their work day today, one of them immediately responded "Miss W, mai ow" (which means "don't want").  I had to laugh at that one! I usually hear "mai ow" in situations where you are thinking about buying something (or someone is asking if you would like to buy something), and you tell them "no thanks" (Mai ow, kawp kuhn khaa).   

A group of my Korean students taught me "thank you" in Korean today. When sounded out it is like: "Kham-sa-ham-nii-da," but they say it fast to me. I hope I can use khamsahamniida8 when I fly back through Korea to get home.

One of my half-Thai students was sharing about a surgery he had when he was younger. He said that leading up to the surgery, he was afraid he would lose his leg, and I was like "wow, I didn't know that!" I wanted to talk with him his leg problems. Then he said that it was a surgery on his kidney, and that the Thai word for kidney is "Thigh," so he thought it was his leg, not his kidney, because he was still learning both languages. I thought that was very funny.

Most of my students are, in some way or another,, bilingual or trilingual. I am consistently impressed by them, and encouraged to keep going and keep pressing on when I see them. When one of my Korean students gives directions to the Thai children in Thai on ministry day, when one of my students shares his testimony, when one of my ELL students finally finds a book he loves, when one of my Thai students nurses my dying plant to life, when six of my students effectively lead their class and represent their class to student council... I am so impressed and so blessed.

The Most Challenging Part

Upon reading my blog posts and thoughts from earlier this semester, I have become aware that I worried about all of the wrong things. I worried about finances, but I received a refund from the college. I worried about safety, but Thailand is probably the safest country in all of Asia. I worried about getting to the grocery store and buying food and stuff, but we do that every week.

In fact, my biggest struggle is not the language barrier, as I once thought it'd be. Although Thai is a tonal language (which makes it incredibly difficult to speak), I can get by with a few simple phrases, numbers, and lots of pointing and nodding and wai-ing (bowing). Also, adding "khaa" to the end of anything makes it more polite. Don't get me started on reading and writing Thai, however. That's not going to happen in 13 weeks! :)

My biggest struggle is not even the cultural differences. As my roommate Cara says, when you start to understand a culture or people group anthropologically, you can understand why they do (and don't do) certain things. For example, Thai people don't wear their shoes in homes, especially someone else's home. For one, the ground is dirty and many Thai people walk or ride songtaos or motorbikes. In addition, most people here who have pretty good jobs hire a mae baan (may BAHN), like a housekeeper, to sweep, mop, clean bathrooms, etc. Our mae baan visits once a week for half a day. Mae baans may also be asked to watch after children, do laundry, cook meals, etc. Wealthier people may hire a mae baan to live in their homes full time. Anyway, one reason Thai people don't walk in someone's house with their shoes on is because it shows disrespect to the mae baan or whoever cleaned the house. Thais (and Asians in general) are very focused on respect. I have observed and experienced, however, that Thai people are very forgiving. Believe me, I have made many mistakes, like pointing at something with my foot, dropping baht (currency), giving and taking baht with my left hand, saying thank you in English instead of Thai (and once saying hello instead of thank you because I forgot which was which), and eating with my fork (and probably more I'm not aware of!). While most people don't mind it, is culturally incorrect to lift your fork to your mouth. Instead, the fork is used to push food onto the spoon, which you then eat from. (With the spoon in your right hand.) For a long time, I didn't understand why this was the way things were done. And then I tried eating a rice-based dish with a fork while having a conversation. Impossible. It is so much easier to scoop your rice and pork into a spoon than to try to balance rice on your fork! Now that I've learned how to use my fork and spoon, even something so small, I feel more able to handle the culture.

My biggest struggle is not even homesickness. I know, I know. Hearing me say this may make you think that I don't miss you all. Believe me, I do. Tremendously. I think of you guys a lot. I miss the funny things you do and say. I miss not having to explain funny memories. I miss your companionship. I miss hanging out with guys my own age. I also miss a lot of things from the states, like Chick-Fil-A (although this cute little restaurant near my neighborhood can whip up some awesome khao mun gai - rice with chicken). I miss being able to drive myself, because I have to depend on songtaos and generous friends and my own bicycle to get places. Also, not being able to communicate effectively with most people at markets, stores, and restaurants is challenging. It's a challenge, but I'm learning to rise to it and seek help when I need it. That's not my biggest struggle.

For a long time, my biggest struggle here was that I was the only person with my unique experience. I was the only student teacher from TFC at GIS. I felt very alone. And then I met Amy, who just graduated from a teacher education program in Colorado (she did her student teaching in the Fall). Amy has been a safe person for me to talk to, and we can share our student teaching experiences and our mutual worries over our futures. With someone who understands a little more than most people by my side, my biggest struggle most recently has been lesson planning. I know, it sounds really pathetic. I mean, yeah, I have spent the last three years learning how to write and teach lesson plans. But when you're actually sitting down to do it day in and day out, it is extremely difficult. I'm taking my teacher's plans from previous years and what their students need this year (and in the case of one class, two teachers' plans and needs), combining that with my unit plans that I've developed to include all my resources, mixing that with the college wants me to do, developing materials and resources where I don't already have them, and filling out the lesson plan format according to what the college requires. I am overwhelmed with all that is required (for all the different people) and how I am supposed to finish all of my lesson plans by Thursday night when I've spent all my free time (and after school until 5 or 6) gading papers, tests, and finding resources. Okay, so I know it sounds like I'm complaining, and I appreciate the high standard I'm being held to, but it is very difficult being responsible for so much and investing into these kids at the same time.

But you know what I've realized? I'm not an excellent teacher if my lesson plans are perfect but my students don't know they are loved. Granted, I have to know what I'm doing each class period, especially because I'm being evaluated practically every day. However, if I am here just to teach, I am failing at life. To paraphrase Paul's letter to the Corinthians:

If I could speak all the first languages of my ELL students, but didn't love them, I would only be a noisy gong or clanging symbol. If had the gift of differentiation, and if I understood all literature and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such alignment to the standards that my students not only aced all tests but could apply their learning to the real world, but I didn't love them, I would be nothing. If I gave my afternoons and weekends to working with students and even if, God forbid, I died in the line of protecting my students, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love them, I would have gained nothing.

(Paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

So this is what I'm left with. I only have two more weeks of intense student teaching lesson plans, so I'm going to make the most of it even though it is hard, and I'm going to continue to love on my kids.

Please be praying that I would have opportunities to encourage my students. I have 43 ninth graders in three classes and 23 seniors in one class. Please pray that conversations and lessons would be edifying and God would be the center. Please also pray for my students' families, many of whom are involved directly in international missions. Ask God for safety and direction for their ministries.

Amen.

--

"Seek Him. Be Here. Be His."

Two Weeks Full-Time and SEW

I have had a wonderful past couple of weeks with my amazing ninth and twelfth graders. On most days, I have a first period study hall, second and third period planning, fourth period English 9, fifth period British Literature, sixth period English 9, lunch, English 9 again, and then planning eighth period. Wednesdays and Thursdays, we have block scheduling, in which I see all of my classes over those two days for a longer period.

As of today, I have finished two weeks of full-time teaching, with four to go. I'm also halfway through my 13 weeks here. Professionally, the lesson I have learned most significantly so far is to connect what we're reading to my students' lives. They probably do not care a lick about The Odyssey, but they do have ideas about leadership, heroes, foretelling and changing the future, and the meaning of home. So, instead of reading the text because it is in the curriculum, we are reading the text for the themes and important issues.

In my personal life, I have learned that these kids have my heart. I have completely fallen in love with my students. They are so intelligent, funny, and caring. They are brave, wise, and willing. There's something about Third Culture Kids that melts my heart, and these kids have shown me what being a TCK is all about. They have shown me both the joys and pains of their often very transient lifestyles. They have welcomed me in to their lives in a way I could never expect them to. I am grateful and blessed.

One of the reasons I am so emotional about this is because we just finished Spiritual Emphasis Week at GIS. This week, we had chapels Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday mornings and evenings, with Wednesday night chapel being fireside worship and testimony time. Two of my students shared very powerful and God-honoring testimonies. Thursday (today), we spent the day in ministry across Chiang Mai. I went with most of the ninth graders to Srisuphan Elementary School, a very small school that serves mostly children from the hill villages of Nothern Thailand. There were three classrooms and little wooden chairs and desks in each classroom. We had groups for English teaching, games, and crafts. I was blessed to be able to sneak a peek into all three groups as the day went on. I got lots of pictures, some of which I'll be able to post to my Facebook soon (see here).

One funny story from the day: The English group taught the kids to play "Simon Says" with English vocabulary they had just learned. The kids were having trouble understanding the concept, even though one of my students  (Joseph) was explaining the directions in Thai, so Joseph took another approach to explaining it, still in Thai, and everyone laughed. When one of my students realized I hadn't caught the joke, he leaned over and explained that Joseph had just said, "We'll call it 'Joseph Says.' My name is Joseph, but you can call me the Handsome One. So, when 'The Handsome One says....'" I laughed so much today, just soaking in the joy of my students as they interacted with these young Thai kids. My students impress and encourage me every day. They are also so very gracious. What a blessing.

When news about the court case between GIS and the people who own the property reached me last year, I was very worried that I would end up teaching in a basement somewhere with no technology. However, that is not the case. We have a simply gorgeous property, and all the rooms have air conditioning units. I am so amazed by how God provides for these teachers and families, many of whom are missionaries or other kinds of international workers. God is good.

Until next time,
--

"Seek Him. Be Here. Be His."